i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
