She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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