I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
