Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
