she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
