I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
