omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
