No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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