I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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