I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
