WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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