Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
