Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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