Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
