is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize