I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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