and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dicks are not precious.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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