FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
