i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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