if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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