I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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