I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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