I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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