Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
