great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
