hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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