I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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