Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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