I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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