HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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