I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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