you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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