i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
