So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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