I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
