he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
