I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
