the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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