Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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