jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
