I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
