Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
did i just pee glitter
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
