why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
