Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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