I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
