went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
