You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
