so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Less talking, more tequila
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
