A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
