Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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