booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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