dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
