I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
