did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
