4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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