WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
