I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
