when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
do nipples grow back?
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