i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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