Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
