Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
