i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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