I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
