i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
