I hate your face
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
