drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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