Umm I'm too high to move.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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