Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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