I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
MIDGETS
????
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
