I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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