I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
